How to Talk About Suicide: A Guide for Suicide Prevention Month

Length of reading time: 6 minutes

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What if the conversation you’re nervous to have is the conversation someone needs the most?  

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When we notice someone is struggling, it’s easy to second guess ourselves.  

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Should I say something? What if I make it worse? I don’t know what to say.

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These questions can keep us from reaching out in moments when connection is the most important response.  

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September is Suicide Prevention Month—a time to raise awareness, build understanding, and remind everyone that we all can play a role in prevention.

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Prevention doesn’t begin with knowing exactly what to do. It begins with simply being willing to start a conversation.

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You don't need perfect words. You don't need to have all the answers. You just have to be present enough to notice, ask, listen, and connect.

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Why talking about suicide matters

Talking about suicide can feel uncomfortable. Many people worry that asking someone if they’re thinking about suicide could make things worse or introduce an idea they hadn’t considered.  

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But research tells us it won’t.

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Asking someone directly about suicide does not cause suicidal thoughts or increase suicide risk.¹ In fact, a caring, direct question can create an opportunity for someone to talk honestly about what they are experiencing.

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Avoiding conversation because it feels uncomfortable can leave someone feeling even more alone and result in missing an opportunity to connect someone with support.  

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So, where do you start?  

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Start with a simple check-in

You don’t have to begin with a serious or complicated conversation.

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You can start by simply sharing what you’ve seen.

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You might say:

• “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing?”
• “You seem like you’ve had a lot on your mind. I’m here to listen.”
• “It feels like you’ve been pulling away lately. Is everything okay?”

Then, give them space to answer.

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You don’t have to fill the silence or offer any advice. Sometimes, simply knowing that someone has noticed can make it easier for them to open up.  

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Don’t be afraid to ask about suicide

If you are concerned that someone may be thinking about suicide, don’t be scared to say the word suicide.

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You might ask: “Are you thinking about suicide?” or “Sometimes when people feel this way, they consider suicide. Have you had those thoughts?”

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A direct question can feel uncomfortable, but clarity matters. Focus on asking calmly and showing them that you are not afraid of their answer.  

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Avoid asking a leading question like “You aren’t thinking of suicide, are you?” as this type of framing might make it harder for someone to give an honest answer.  

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A direct, caring question communicates something important: I’m not afraid to talk about this with you, and I’m here for you no matter what the answer is.  

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Listen without trying to fix

If someone opens up to you, resist the urge to solve the problem.  

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Instead, just listen.

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Give them your attention. Let them talk. Avoid judgment, minimizing what they’re experiencing, or rushing to reassure them that everything will be okay.  

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You can respond by saying:

• “I’m glad you told me.”
• “That sounds really difficult.”
• “I’m here with you.”
• “Let’s find someone who can help.”
• “Thank you for telling me.”

You don’t have to know how to fix their situation to help them feel less alone.  

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Sometimes, being willing to listen is the first step toward getting someone the help they need.

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Know what NOT to say

When we’re uncomfortable, or when we want to make someone feel better, it’s tempting to reach for reassurance.  

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But comments intended to make someone feel better can make them feel more alone.

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Instead of saying “You have so much to live for.”

Try “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

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Instead of saying “Things aren’t that bad.”

Try “I can see that things feel really difficult right now.”

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Instead of saying “You don't really mean that.”

Try “Tell me more about what you're experiencing.”

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Don’t try to talk someone out of their feelings, and avoid saying that you understand what it is they are going through. Everyone’s feelings and experiences are unique, and while it might be well-intentioned, it can make them feel even more alone.

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Instead, acknowledge their feelings and show them that you care.

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Don’t keep suicide a secret

If someone tells you they’re thinking about suicide, you may worry that getting someone else involved might damage your relationship or upset them.

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But when someone’s safety is at stake, getting help is always the goal.

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Tell the person you want to connect them with help. You might say, “We can text 988 together right now,” or “There are counselors available to help with this–can I walk with you to meet them?”  

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This is especially important for young people and peers.

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For Hope Squad Members, this is a lesson they learn early. Their job is not to be someone’s therapist. Their job is to notice, ask, and connect to help.  

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Being a good friend doesn’t mean keeping dangerous secrets or carrying someone’s pain alone. Sometimes, being a good friend means having the courage to get them help—even if they don’t know how to ask for it.

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Find support

Once you’ve started the conversation, you don’t have to figure everything out on your own.  

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Connect the person to a trusted adult—like a parent, counselor, or mental health professional—who can help determine the appropriate next steps.  

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If someone is experiencing a mental health or suicide crisis in the United States, you can also call or text 988 to connect with trained professionals 24/7; the service is free and confidential.  

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And if someone is in immediate danger, call 911.  

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What if they say they’re fine?

Sometimes, you may reach out and hear “I’m okay.”

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But that doesn’t mean you have to stop caring.

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Respect their response while leaving the door open.  

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You might say, “I’m glad to hear that. I just wanted you to know I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed like you’re having a hard time, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

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Continue to check in and show you care.

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Prevention starts with connection

Suicide Prevention Month is an opportunity to talk about more than warning signs and crisis resources. It’s a time to learn more, ask questions, and show up stronger. It’s also an opportunity to think about the kind of communities we want to create every day.  

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Communities where people notice one another.

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Where asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness.

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Where difficult conversations aren’t something to avoid.  

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This suicide prevention month, start the conversation. You don’t need to be an expert, and you don’t need to know all the answers.

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Simply start the conversation, stay present, and when someone needs more support than you can provide, connect them to it.  

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Sometimes, the most important thing we can communicate is also the simplest:

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“I see you. I care about you. And you are never alone.”

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¹ Gould, M. S., Marrocco, F. A., Kleinman, M., Thomas, J. G., Mostkoff, K., Côté, J., & Davies, M. (2005). Evaluating iatrogenic risk of youth suicide screening programs: A randomized controlled trial. JAMA, 293(13), 1635–1643. https://doi.org/10.1001/jama.293.13.1635