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Being a Trusted Adult: What to Do When a Young Person Comes to You
Length of reading time: 5 minutes
"Can I tell you something?”
It might happen in the car on the way home from practice or at the kitchen table. They might ask as they approach your desk after everyone else has left, or as they pass you in the hallway.
Sometimes, it’s your child sharing something they’ve been holding inside. Other times, it’s a student saying, “I’m worried about my friend.”
And now, they’re standing in front of you, an adult they trust, waiting to see what you’ll say.
In these moments, you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to listen—and help them find the support they need.
That’s what being a trusted adult is all about.
What is a trusted adult?
A trusted adult is someone a young person feels comfortable turning to when they need help, guidance, or someone to listen.
For some students, that person is a parent. For others, it might be a teacher, coach, school counselor, grandparent, youth leader, or other caring adult.
A trusted adult is someone who:
- Creates space for young people to talk without judgement
- Listens to understand, not to respond
- Takes concerns seriously, even when the problem seems small
- Recognizes when a young person needs more support
- Helps connect them with the right people and resources
A trusted adult is not necessarily the person who can solve their problem—it’s just someone who can help a young person take the best next step.
When someone opens up about a friend
Sometimes, a young person doesn’t come to you because they’re struggling themselves. They come because they’re worried about someone they care about. If a student comes to you about a peer, reassure them that they should never carry a serious concern about a friend alone.
A friend may have shared something concerning. A student may have noticed changes in a peer’s behavior. Or they may simply have a feeling that something isn’t right.
Hope Squad teaches students that they don’t have to carry those concerns alone. When a student is worried about a friend, one of the most caring things they can do is reach out to a trusted adult.
When someone opens up to you about a friend, you can respond:
- “You did the right thing coming to me.”
- “You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.”
A student’s role is not to become their peer’s therapist, counselor, or sole source of support. As a trusted adult, you can help them connect their peer with support.
Steps to take if someone opens up
The first few moments of a conversation can shape whether a young person feels comfortable coming back to you for support.
When someone opens up, try to resist the urge to immediately offer advice or reassure them that things will be okay.
Instead, start by listening, and respond with the following steps:
1. Thank them for trusting you.
Let them know you’re glad they came to you.
You might say:
- “I’m really glad you told me this.”
- “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
2. Listen without judgment
You don’t have to agree with everything they say or even understand how they feel to show that you care.
Simply give them your full attention, ask gentle questions, and let them share what they’re ready to share.
You might ask:
- “Can you tell me more about what's been going on?”
- “What do you think would help right now?”
3. Don’t minimize what they’re experiencing
What may seem small to an adult can feel overwhelming to a young person.
Avoid responses like:
- “It’s not that big of a deal.”
- “Everyone goes through that.”
Instead, validate their concerns and let them know you’re there for them.
4. Help them identify the next step.
Once you’ve listened, think together about what support might be helpful.
Sometimes that means talking with a parent, school counselor, or mental health professional. Sometimes it means involving another trusted adult.
You don’t have to handle it alone: The warm handoff
As a trusted adult, you don’t have to have all the answers.
Often, the best thing you can do is help connect those who are struggling or have concerns with someone who has the training and experience to help.
That’s called a warm handoff.
A warm handoff means helping a young person move from one caring adult to another person who can provide additional support.
It’s not simply saying, “Go talk to the counselor.” It’s about making sure they actually get connected.
A warm handoff might look like a teacher walking with a student to the school counselor, a parent contacting the school support team, or an adult helping a student share a concern about a friend with someone who can help.
The goal is to make sure the concern reaches the right person, not to leave the young person to figure it out alone.
Who should you reach out to?
The right person to reach out to depends on the situation and your role in their life.
If you’re a parent or guardian
You may be the first person your child turns to with concerns about themselves or a friend. You can listen, offer support, and help them connect with additional care.
Depending on the concern, that may include:
- Your child’s school counselor, social worker, or student support team.
- The parent or guardian of the friend they’re concerned about, when appropriate.
- Your child’s pediatrician or primary care provider.
- A licensed mental health professional.
- Another trusted adult who can help.
If your child is worried about a friend’s immediate safety, don’t wait for your child to resolve the situation on their own. Contact the appropriate adult or emergency support.
If you’re unsure where to turn, call or text 988 for guidance in the United States.
If you’re a teacher or school staff member
You may notice changes in a student before anyone else does. Or a student may choose your classroom as the place where they open up about concerns for a friend.
You can listen and support the student while connecting with the appropriate people at your school, such as:
- School counselors
- School social worker
- School psychologist
- School nurse
- Administrator
- Other school mental health professional
Know your school’s referral protocols and follow them, especially when a student’s safety or well-being is at risk.
When a concern involves safety
Sometimes, a young person may share something that raises concerns about their own safety or a friend's.
They may talk about feeling hopeless, wanting to die, self-harm, abuse, or not feeling safe at home or school.
Take the concern seriously, even if the young person asks you to keep it a secret.
You can say:
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I care about you, and I want to make sure you’re safe.”
- “We need to get someone who can help.”
If a young person may be in immediate danger, has a suicide plan, or has recently harmed themselves:
- Do not leave them alone.
- Follow your school or organization’s crisis response procedures.
- Involve appropriate trained adults immediately.
- Call 911 if there is an immediate emergency.
- In the United States, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
If a student comes to you about a friend who may be unsafe, reassure them that they did the right thing by speaking up.
Be the trusted adult who connects
Being a trusted adult isn’t just about serious conversations.
It’s about showing up consistently, being there day-to-day, making time for conversations, and simple actions that show you care. These everyday moments help build the relationships that make it easier for young people to open up.
Hope Squad helps students recognize when a peer may need support, but trusted adults are an essential part of the process. When students and adults work together, young people are more likely to get the help they need.
Whether a young person comes to you about their own struggles or because they're worried about a friend, your willingness to listen can be the bridge to support.
When caring adults respond with compassion and action, young people learn an important lesson: Asking for help is a sign of strength, and they don't have to face challenges alone.
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